Why Taylor Swift's new love is faker than Deflategate

This just in: Travis and Taylor are still going strong! In fact, the world's most famous tight end flew all the way to Australia to support his sweetheart on tour. They hand-fed kangaroos together at the Sydney Zoo! Awwww.

I can't be the only one who doesn't buy this all-too-perfect American rom-com.

Oh, you don't care about Taylor Swift?

What does matter is the media's complicity in promoting this false narrative. If they're lying about this, what else are they lying about? The devil's in the details.

Then consider the Kelce-Swift psyop a prime example of how our media distracts and deceives us. And maybe check out "Our Song" from Taylor's 2006 self-titled debut. This little gem of pop-country bliss has lured many a skeptic down the road to Swiftydom.

Buss

Let's start with that kiss. The perfectly mic'd-up, totally spontaneous moment of PDA between Travis and Taylor in the immediate afterglow of Kelce's Super Bowl triumph.

And what a triumph it was. Scoff all you want at the Black National Anthem, but this Super Bowl was the most watched telecast in all of television history, grossing 7% higher than the moon landing. The superstar couple played a large role getting people to tune in.

Whatever happened to "go woke, go broke"?

With CBS and the NFL's big win, we can expect the struggle sessions to continue. As for Travis, he's had aspirations to be a household name for a long time. He told his managers that he wanted to be “as famous as the Rock.”

That campaign started in earnest with the debut of Kelce’s first Pfizer commercial on September 22. Two days later, Taylor made her first appearance at one of his games. Call it a booster shot.

But what does Taylor get out of all this?

Box

To answer that, we must go to legendary NYC gay hot spot the Box, where Taylor celebrated her 34th birthday just weeks before the lip lock seen 'round the world. No football players in sight — just Taylor and a bunch of her closest gal pals.

Yes, we're about to speculate about Taylor's sexuality. Is it worth caring about? No.

Taylor's smart enough to know how to play to her audience. Does it matter if she puts on a little show to give the fans the love story they want? No.

What does matter is the media's complicity in promoting this false narrative. If they're lying about this, what else are they lying about? The devil's in the details.

The cover-up goes back to late 2014, when video emerged of Taylor making out with model Karlie Kloss at concert by the 1975. In the glare of "Kissgate," all those lyrics about boy drama hit a little different.

In fact, some of them seemed to say it loud and clear: Karlie was no mere BFF. (Dedicated "Gaylor" theorists will no doubt be familiar with the video of Taylor serenading Karlie with “Dress.”)

Beard

Taylor needed a getaway car back to Heteroville. And who should pull up at just the right moment but Calvin Harris. (1975 lead singer Matty Healy would have to wait until spring 2023.)

Their 14-month fling was long enough to quiet any rumors about Taylor and Karlie's Sapphic spit-swapping sesh. The break-up was "amicable," as they say, even if Taylor's rebound romance with Tom Hiddleston made some tongues wag.

Harris tried to put a stop to the gossip with a gentlemanly tweet: "The only truth here is that a relationship came to an end & what remains is a huge amount of love and respect."

Tweets he posted a year and a half later seemed to hint there was something a little more transactional going on.

Twitter/@CalvinHarris

By “beard,” he's not talking about the fetching face fuzz sported by his touchdown-scoring successor. Could this have been a case of mutually beneficial couple cosplay?

Bamboozle?

I'm not going to hold your hand through the rest. Suffice it to say Taylor has dropped plenty of clues about her rumored preferences. The "bisexual flag" color scheme of the wig she wears in the “You Need to Calm Down” music video. Her similarly hued “PROUD” bracelet. This behind-the-scenes explication of the "ME!" video. The butch leather jacket she changed into for her 2023 Grammys afterparty.

It's not hard to understand why some consider "Blank Space" to be the confession of a master media manipulator. “Love’s a game, wanna play?” goes the lyric. Maybe Travis Kelce is nothing more than the latest seat-filler to get this invitation.

And so what if he is? Taylor gets her privacy, Travis gets his fame, and the fans get their romance. It's all harmless fun. So enjoy for what it is. Or better yet, ignore it.

But five or ten years from now, we may well see Taylor entering her most lucrative and attention-consuming era yet: her LGBT-hero-finally-free-to-live-her-truth era. By then we may know all too well why propping up this charade was so useful to the powers that be. When that day comes, don't say I didn't warn you.